


a new love in new york

by performanceunit



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/performanceunit/pseuds/performanceunit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kyungsoo always loved new york. he also gets a little out of hand sometimes, but everything’s okay when chanyeol is there to take care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a new love in new york

**Author's Note:**

> heavily inspired by the lyrics of new york - ed sheeran. go give it a listen. i stole some of his lyrics. this might ... probably be a mess and might barely has a flow but this song is so beautiful that it failed not to inspire me. or something.
> 
> also didn’t proof read because it’s 1am and i’m tired.

kyungsoo always loved new york.

but he’s here - in seoul, in college, majoring in the music department. it’s okay, he thinks. it’s okay being in seoul. college is okay. everything’s okay. 

he reckons he uses the word okay too much. but that’s what it is - okay. 

the only thing that he doesn’t find okay that he’s not in new york. he doesn’t know what it’s like. hell, he hasn’t even left the country. but he dreams of it. he knows that one day he’ll find himself in new york. it’ll finally be apart of his life.

just not right now.

today, kyungsoo finds himself in the centre of his dorm room, laying on his back staring at the ceiling. it’s 7:43pm, he finds on his digital clock next to his bed, and the sun is long gone when he turns his head to look at the black sky out the window. he’s just finished an assignment that he’s spent five hours on - that he received yesterday - and not due until the week after the next. he likes finishing things early. it’s been a habit of his ever since. 

he sighed and runs his hand through his hair. his roommate, park chanyeol - he doesn’t know where he is. kyungsoo never knows where chanyeol goes after his classes. he’s never asked. kyungsoo’s long gone, asleep, when chanyeol comes back in the late night hours of 11pm. 

kyungsoo thinks chanyeol stays in the library studying after hours. he also thinks that chanyeol is playing his guitar, in the middle of the courtyard, sitting on the edge of the fountain. but he might also be with baekhyun and jongdae. he could be doing anything. 

they never get to talk. both of their timetables clash; they only have one class together and they don’t talk most of the time. but chanyeol always sits next to him when he enters the room late and gets scolded by the lecturer but he’s too busy scanning the seats for kyungsoo’s small frame. 

it’s okay that they don’t get to talk. kyungsoo’s first friend at college was chanyeol, anyway. they’ve known each other for three years. chanyeol knows it’s okay not to talk.

but when they do get to talk, they talk for hours on end. kyungsoo likes that chanyeol doesn’t run out of things to talk about. and kyungsoo knows he’s the type of person that doesn’t like someone who talks and never stops. chanyeol is different, he thinks. 

kyungoo knows a lot of things about chanyeol, as does chanyeol knows about kyungsoo. kyungsoo knows that chanyeol is talented, that’s for sure. he can play several instruments while he can’t play even one. kyungsoo also knows chanyeol can sing too. he knows that he can stare at the night sky and its stars and would never get sick of it - and how many times he’s been out of the city just to escape the artificial lights and gaze at its natural counterpart. he’s a hopeless romantic too - which he would never admit, but eventually did. 

but at the same time, kyungsoo knows chanyeol is afraid of love. 

kyungsoo often finds himself drifting off about things he doesn’t care about. he finds himself also becoming emotional about new york. what if he doesn’t make it out of here? what if he doesn’t make the money to get to new york in the first place? do they know korean over there? would he know enough english to get him through the day? will new york be as beautiful like he’s always thought it’s been?

he doesn’t know why he loves new york so much. what he wants is to get lost. he thinks new york would be the city for that. he wants to wake up in soft sheets in a four-star hotel bedroom, the highest he can get in the building. the first thing he wants to see is the skyline, and how it separates itself from the sky but still makes the perfect imprint in the clouds. he wants to see how central park looks at 6am with the sun peering over the horizon. he wants to - 

“kyungsoo,” chanyeol said, “are you okay?”

kyungsoo looked over at the door, the light streaming in from the hallway. chanyeol was standing there, guitar hanging off his back, and kyungsoo watched him as he closed the door. the only thing in his line of eyesight was chanyeol’s shoes, as they came closer to his head before his body bent down and kyungsoo was forced to look up at him. he blinked up at chanyeol, not realising his cheek was stained with tears.

“why are you crying?” chanyeol asked, pulling his guitar over his head and placing it to the side. “what’s wrong?” 

kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows and sat up in confusion, wiping his tears with his sleeves almost straight away. “i - i don’t know,” kyungsoo stammered. 

chanyeol smiled a little. “were you thinking about new york again?” 

kyungsoo stayed silent. kyungsoo and chanyeol might never talk half of the time but chanyeol knows more than kyungsoo thinks he does. 

chanyeol stood up, leaving kyungsoo sitting there. “come on then,” he said, walking over to kyungsoo’s bedside table and grabbing his phone. he walked back to the center of the room, handing kyungsoo his phone and holding his hand out for kyungsoo to grab. kyungsoo looked up at him before taking his hand and hoisting himself up.

“where are we going?” kyungsoo asked. 

“out.”

-

kyungsoo and chanyeol stood in front of the bar, presented with lit up neon signs. kyungsoo looked through the window - people his age, sitting on stools and drinking their hearts away. “baekhyun and jongdae aren’t here, are they?” kyungsoo asked chanyeol.

“it’s just the two of us,” chanyeol said, patting his back before pushing the door open and holding it for kyungsoo. 

-

“why are we here?”

chanyeol chuckled, “stop asking so many questions”, is what he says, as he shoots a smile in kyungsoo’s direction, who’s too busy looking down at the golden foamy liquid in his glass. chanyeol’s smile falters a bit, before he turns back around and rubs his nose. “we’re here to dry your eyes and to get you out of your room. let’s just say you need this right now.” he lifted his glass and kyungsoo looked up to stare at him, sighing and forcing, although genuine, smile before he grabbed his own and clinked it with chanyeol’s.

-

and at 1:32am, the bar closed its doors, and chanyeol finds his arm around kyungsoo. his head is buried into chanyeol’s black parka, his soft breathing balancing out, and eyes shut with his eyelashes resting against his cheek. chanyeol reckons the sight is rather enchanting. 

he walks slowly, bringing kyungsoo with him in every stride. kyungsoo passed out after the fifth drink and chanyeol could not be more sober. he stands on the edge of the pavement, looking both ways down the boulevard before the headlights in the distance catch his eyes. he swings out his arm that isn’t holding kyungsoo into the air, and the car signals to the right, before pulling up in front of chanyeol.

the window rolls down and chanyeol makes eye contact with the taxi driver, telling him the name of their university before the driver nods. chanyeol smiles and opens the back door, slowly placing kyungsoo in the center seat before chanyeol slides in himself.

kyungsoo is still passed out, his small face resting on chanyeol’s chest. chanyeol looks down at him, a smile creeping up on his face as he wraps his arm around his shoulder, and tilts his head back against the seat in content. 

in chanyeol’s eyes, kyungsoo is beautiful. he’d never say it out loud because he knows he’d get punched for it. but it’s a fact, chanyeol would say further, if he ever did. 

being kyungsoo’s roommate has opened many doors for him. whether it’s friendship or it was love. because there’s no doubt that chanyeol fell in love with kyungsoo in these three years they’ve been in college together, let alone roommates. kyungsoo agreeing to become chanyeol’s roommate was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to him. scratch probably - it was legitimately the best thing that’s ever happened to him. 

because he swears the first time they laid eyes on each other, he found the meaning of forever.

chanyeol isn’t a patient person. but it’s obviously saying something when chanyeol has been in love with kyungsoo since day one, and kyungsoo hasn’t really returned it the “favour". whether it was pining or unrequited love, chanyeol doesn’t mind. 

he’s just glad that he has kyungsoo.

that he has kyungsoo as a friend, as a roommate. that he knows him, at least. kyungsoo is someone who gets under chanyeol’s skin, to say the least. he gets under chanyeol’s skin in the most wonderful and even the worst ways. he drives chanyeol mad and kyungsoo doesn’t even know it. but chanyeol adores kyungsoo. he adores him with no reason, limit, or restraint. 

but the more he chooses not to tell kyungsoo, the more he realises he’s afraid of love. 

the more he lets this pass, the more he lets the years go by - he realises that kyungsoo would never be more than a friend. 

and the problem here is that all chanyeol ever wanted to be was kyungsoo’s, more than he wanted for kyungsoo to be his. 

because that’s just selfish.

-

kyungsoo called chanyeol, stressing about it all.

“the world is moving too fast, chanyeol,” kyungsoo said, voice scratchy though the phone. “i’ve spent a lifetime fitting in and i only ever end up on the other side by myself.”

the sound of kyungsoo’s voice breaking is what makes chanyeol drop his bag and his guitar, and run back to the dorm. 

“i’m coming, kyungsoo. hold on.”

-

kyungsoo, kyungsoo, kyungsoo. the only thing that revolved around chanyeol's head the whole time while he ran out of the courtyard, leaving his stuff behind and baekhyun and jongdae calling out to him, asking him where he was going. 

running down the hallway, he pushed the door to his dorm open and found a broken kyungsoo on his bed, silver blanket covering his bottom half, hands in his hair, bloodshot eyes, and tears streaming down his face. chanyeol’s eyes welled up at the sight, his legs starting to shake as he made his way over to kyungsoo’s bed.

“kyungsoo,” chanyeol whispered, sitting next to him. he didn’t know if he should touch him or not, but his thoughts are interrupted by the feel of kyungsoo’s head on his chest. chanyeol carefully put a hand to his head, stroking his hair as kyungsoo’s breathing started to ease. “it’s okay to cry. you know i’m here for you.”

kyungsoo let out another cry, his hands reaching around chanyeol’s chest. chanyeol tried not to make a sound when he felt kyungsoo’s nails leave an indent on his skin through his shirt, and how he squeezed chanyeol tight, pouring out endless emotions.

chanyeol has only ever seen kyungsoo have an anxiety attack three times. when he found kyungsoo on the floor on that friday night, he tried to stop it before it got any worse. it seemed like it worked, because chanyeol didn’t hear anything from his side of the room while they slept. 

chanyeol looked down at him, scanning over his figure, seeing that his tears had made their way down to kyungsoo’s shirt and making it wet. chanyeol tried to move, about to suggest to change his shirt for him, but kyungsoo’s hold on him only tightened even more. 

“please,” kyungsoo choked, “i need you right now.”

chanyeol nodded and continued to run his hands through kyungsoo’s hair. with much hesitation, he kissed the crown of his head and immediately, he felt kyungsoo loosen beneath him and a sigh of relief afterwards. chanyeol took the opportunity to carefully slide out of his grasp. 

“lie down,” chanyeol said softly, as he toed off his shoes next to bed. “get some rest.”

“no, no, no. don’t leave me,” kyungsoo whimpered, watching chanyeol’s back.

chanyeol turned back around and slipped his legs underneath the sheets, next to kyungsoo. “wasn’t going to,” he gave a gentle smile. “i’m not going to leave you, okay?”

kyungsoo sighed at the sight, reverting away from the thought that chanyeol would have left him alone. he watched as chanyeol’s eyes landed on his chest. 

“i’ll get you a new shirt,” chanyeol said, swinging his legs over the bed before walking over to the drawer and opening it, pulling out a black shirt. turning around, kyungsoo had already disposed of his shirt to the side and chanyeol gulped a little at the sight, but he knows now isn’t the time.

slipping underneath the blanket again, chanyeol’s eyes watched as kyungsoo wiped the remaining tears from his eyes. “arms up,” he said gently, as kyungsoo limply raised his arms, chanyeol putting the shirt onto his body in one go. 

“better?” chanyeol asked. kyungsoo nodded, and he felt his heart race a little slower. he finally laid down on his pillow, his head making contact with the soft surface and closing his eyes. 

kyungsoo felt the soft shuffling in the sheets before he opened his eyes again, watching as chanyeol also laid down next to him. 

then he swore his heart started to race a little faster than it did before - which wasn’t good for him. but he didn’t feel his breath getting short. he didn’t feel tears start to pool in his eyes again. 

kyungsoo couldn’t look away from him. in that moment in time, his eyes dragged along his features - pink lips, small flaws that dotted his cheeks, the way his eyelashes fluttered, and how soft strands of hair fell atop his forehead, the rest pushed back. 

chanyeol turned around to face kyungsoo and they could not get any more closer, is what kyungsoo thought. kyungsoo could really see all of it now, how handsome he really was - something he really couldn’t come to terms with, or even thought about for a long time. 

on chanyeol’s side, kyungsoo is still beautiful than he ever was. red eyes and tear stained cheeks doesn’t make a difference, is what he realises now. them staring into each other’s eyes doesn’t make it any better, either. 

because it’s making them both nervous, and neither of them know about the other.

and it’s not all about love right now.

it’s about the colour of their eyes and how calm it is, no matter how much they’re burning into each other’s. it’s about the colour of their pink cheeks as the heat lingers around the room, it’s about how their chests rise up and down with every breath in a steady, chaotic rhythm. it’s about how chanyeol stayed when kyungsoo needed him the most. it’s about how chanyeol still would have stayed when kyungsoo didn’t need him at all. 

it’s about how kyungsoo wouldn’t have a problem with that.

it’s not all about love when it’s all about them. it’s how kyungsoo starts to move in, move towards chanyeol - it’s how chanyeol starts to mirror him, and how they finally press their lips together. it’s how they close their eyes and start to dream, it’s how kyungsoo’s fingertips brush against chanyeol’s tinted cheeks, it’s how their lips burn against each other’s skin, and how it tastes like blue skies and white clouds. 

then suddenly it is all about love. 

and when they pull apart and finally know what it feels like to be complete, the space between them feels like light years apart. but kyungsoo looks at him one last time before his eyes get the rest that they need, and leans his head against chanyeol’s chest - the one place that feels all too familiar, and the one place that feels like home.

it’s about how he can hear his heartbeat this way. 

because they’re right when they say that home has a heartbeat.

-

“it’s okay to cry,” chanyeol said to kyungsoo once they woke up in the early hours of the night, having fallen asleep in the afternoon. “i’m just saying it’s a waste of water.”

with that, chanyeol promises that he’ll take kyungsoo to new york.

even if that means staying in seoul - because it turns out seoul could make a better new york on its own.


End file.
